Sunday, January 18, 2009

Giving up

Today was Payton's dedication at church. It was a memorable day, though the ceremony was memorable, meaningful and brought me a great deal of joy, I somehow felt that this process was already completed long before today. I remember clearly my feelings about this time last year, when Payton was a tiny glimmer in my womb. I remember my prayers for him the instant I knew I was pregnant and the overwhelming responsibiity I felt to cover his life in prayer. I spent countless nights lying awake and day-dreams in the day, just praying through every area of his life. Prayers for protection from all kinds of evils, people, hurts, wrongs, flaws, danger, and the list goes on and on. I realized pretty quickly that I just couldn't think of it all. I cannot possible think of all the things that I need to pray for him. I was really overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all. As a result, I worried that I would miss something, that I would not pray something and my baby (later to be named Payton) would suffer in some way, or get hurt. I finally came to the realization that I can't. I am not capable of thinking of it all, remembering it all, or even using the right words when I do. So I decided to just give up. Give it UP...and stop worrying. I won't ever have the right words. I am not made to remember it all. I never will think of all the right things to say. However, since my sweet boy has come into the world, I have realized something. That since I gave UP, I don't NEED to worry. God has given me the ability to trust Him with Payton's life. It is hard to think about anything bad happening to my son, but I feel God's presence in every aspect of his life. I feel His Holy Spirit leading me in even my prayers for areas of Payton's life. Really...I believe right now that Payton's life could not be in better hands, because mine are imperfect. I DON'T know what to do in many circumstances, but I love the feeling of surrender. I love giving Paton UP to God and knowing that my best interest is at heart too. That's just a bonus.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Being a mommy is the greatest accomplishment in my life, thus far. I can't believe how normal it feels to me. Believing that Payton was not part of my life 3 months ago is not possible. Knowing that God chose ME to be Payton's mommy is such an honor. I have been given the peace that whoever Payton becomes, whatever he has to overcome, I am the one God put with him, for a reason. He created Payton inside my womb...amazing! I am reminded how much He loves me because he let me be a part of this beautiful experience! I feel His arms around us- our family. Incredible!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

My first Trip- to Michigan

Cousnin LUke and BABY Payton
My trip to Aunt Jeanne's in Michigan with Mommy. I traveled so well- we can't wait to go back!

Uncle John an Nina Frye.... Uncle John calls me 'Sweetness'

Uncle Kyle let me see the deer he got with his bow! It was so cool. Maybe next year I can hunt too!

Cousin Holly made me this beautifuol blanket!

Me and Bridgette

The whole gang of cousins!

Uncle Kyle

CHillin at home

Grandma came to see me for a night and got to feed me...I'm not so sure about that bottle!

Wrigley- the other child...demoted. :)

Ride 'em Cowboy! This is my first Cowboy outfit from Grandpa and Grandma Rowe. My 'horse' is just green broke but she's a good one!

I'm not sure quite what she thinks of me sometimes.

I"m not sure how I feel about this!

How could anyone say NO to this face?

All Smiles for the Cubbies!

I make Mommy and Daddy look so great!

It's hard to believe I am 2 months old already.

I was Totto for Halloween. Mommy was Dorothy and Daddy was our Brave Lion!

Bath Time! Daddy loves my bath robe!

SOOOO tired! Being this cute really wears me out!