I heard her voice tonight.
"You are my Sunshine, My only Sunshine.
You make me Happy, when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my Sunshine away."
I hear it often in the depths of my mind.
It seems to be right there sometimes, and so deep, at others, that it's hard to recall.
Tonight, it was as if she plopped her spunky little self down right here beside me on the couch and sang in my ear. Like she stepped out of my childhood bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed, and into my mind. I must have heard it a thousand times as a little girl, and tonight I sit here just recalling it over and over and over again, lest it fade away in my memory again.
That little song. Huge to me. I think I would have believed her if she told me she wrote it. I don't think, as a kid, I ever thought about that. I just assumed it was exaclty how she felt about me, so it must have been hers.
I felt like her Sunshine. I knew I made life brighter for her, especially in dark times. I knew she treasured me. It was true.
I didn't know though, how much she loved me. I was clueless about the depth of her love for me, until I became a "mommie" myself. I liked that she called me "Dear."
Even as a child I thought about what it would be like if she and I were separated- taking our sunshine away. It did- at least some of it. Her Sunshine lingers in my heart, though. It lingers all over the place. In my head tonight, soft and sweet, a little bit off pitch, perhaps, but I don't notice it now. It's endearing.
Knowing her, there was a much deeper meaning. She wanted nothing more in life than for her daughters to know Jesus and serve Him in holiness, glorifying Him with our lives. She wanted me to know that He is the Sunshine I need. I don't know if she ever thought about that, but HE is what we are left with, her legacy. Sunshine for our souls.
I still feel like her "Sunshine, her only Sunshine," and I miss hearing her sing it to me, and then, her quick kiss and, "Goodnight my Tiffin-Annie." Even now, it makes me feel so special, and so loved, because I was.
I was someone's Sunshine. I have a smile for that. :)