Friday, October 4, 2013

Eden Hope

“Delight in the Hope of Heaven”
To my precious Baby~
I don’t understand Heaven, or just how it works.  Now you do.  I can only understand earthly love, but you- you are experiencing more than I know of God’s peace and His great love.  My heart is grieving the absence of your presence, but my soul is celebrating your completeness.  You are whole, perfect-free from the pains of this terrible earth.  My perfect little one, you’ll never experience sadness and never hurt or question who Jesus is to you.  You know Him now, more fully than I do.  He made you and even I don’t understand your purpose in my life right now, but He does.  And now, you get to bask in His glory for all eternity.  Someday, I’ll join you. 

Your big brothers were so excited to have you in our family.  Payton says he is happy you are in Heaven, but he wanted you here.  Me too.  Titus still kisses my tummy lots.  I guess he doesn’t understand, like me, that even though your physical body is still in my womb- you are not.  You are waiting for us in eternity, with your sister, GiLana.  I like to think that the two of you are there together- laughing and playing, the way I imagined you would here in my living room.   I will always wish I could SEE you two, with your brothers, HERE with my own eyes- someday.  My heart leaps to think of the day you’ll run into my arms and the two of you will call me Mama.  I’ll miss you until then. 

Here’s the thing, sweet one-I will miss you forever.  But here is my comfort and what I am clinging to today:  You will never suffer, and in turn I will never have to experience, “the pain of childbirth.”  I would gladly birth you- and I am grieving that opportunity, but that’s not what I mean.  I will never worry for you- or wonder for you, or be even slightly concerned about who Jesus is to you.  I never have to suffer the pains of trying to do what is right for you or care for you enough, or loving you the right way, or pleading for your salvation.  I will never wonder if you are safe or if you KNOW God’s wholeness- you do!  I am so comforted by the promise of Heaven. 

We’ve decided on a name for you.  You are our child and we want you to be remembered and talked about by name… EDEN HOPE.  You will never know pain, but only pleasure.  You’ll not ever suffer, but only delight in Jesus and who He made you to be.  You will always be a Hope we have in the expectation of Heaven.  You are our “Delight in the Hope of Heaven.”  We will look for the day when we will be there together- forever worshiping our great Creator God who makes us to know Him.  I’ll miss you until then, but today I have to choose peace for my heart.  I know it is already all you know.  I am willingly giving you to my creator and yours, until I can hold you.  Today your body and mine will no longer be together.  The only physical life we have shared will be gone, and I will miss your presence, but, sweet baby- you will ALWAYS be in my heart.  I wait and HOPE for that Delight of Heaven! 
Loving you,
Mommy, Daddy, Payton and Titus

Romans 8: 38-39
“I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us for God’s love.  Neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today or our worries about tomorrow- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love!” 

Lord, “I don’t know what you are doing, but I know WHO you are.” ~J.J. Heller 




Carrie Nicholas said...

I so love your strength and commitment to your children here on earth and in heaven. Having 2 children in heaven myself, I could not have said it better. Missing them doesn't go away, but faith is strong and it will sustain you. God is good and I will pray for your comfort and peace. We love you Alf family. Even though we are far away, I think of you often and thank God we crossed paths.

Lynn Lapa said...

Tiffany. I love you. I wish I were there to hold you. I wish I could explain why this is happening to you....again. But I rejoice in your hope and love....we serve a gracious God. Prayers, tears and hugs for you and your family.

wendy said...

Sis, You give such hope with your faith and stubborn belief. Thanks for sharing your heart's cry.

I love you.


Cheri said...

I am inspired by your faith and confidence in a loving God...I hope your sharing will help others to come to terms with a difficult loss. You are looking through Heaven's eyes, and the wisdom and faith you share are a blessing. Love you.